In baseball, your team gets three outs for each time it goes up to bat. Once you get three outs, your team goes back out to the field. What would happen if the three outs rule applied to dating?

Looking back to apply this rule to past relationships was eye-opening and so much disappointment and heartache could have been avoided. Don’t get me wrong, some amazing relationships with great guys who simply didn’t have a lot in common with me was the by-product of letting things linger. The 3 strikes rule is to get clear on the not so good ones quickly to make room for someone great. To protect the privacy of guys who clearly do not fall into that category, I’m going to assign them random nicknames so to illustrate my point.

Let’s start with the car guy, this is guy who drove the fancy sports car who thought he didn’t have to plan dates because he had such a cool ride. The inability to plan a date was strike one. Thinking that it was a good idea to call early on a Sunday morning to join him at the bar was strike two. Strike three was for calling after he got out of the club thinking anyone would want to hangout. We dated for about six weeks but if I had the three strikes rule, I could have cut that down to about two dates.

Next let’s move onto the sports guy who had excellent taste in restaurants yet he spent more time with his buddies than with me. What he did right was he planned dates, made reservations, dressed appropriately for the occasion and he picked me up for the date even if it meant he had to backtrack to do so. Here is where he struck out; strike one was for being an hour late even after I told him that was unacceptable. I explained it’s better to cancel plans since I didn’t want to spend what little free time I had waiting, I felt like he took my time for-granted. Strike two was for spending more weekends playing golf with his buddies or going to tournaments. If that’s what he wanted to do with his time, then he should be single. Strike three was for when the engine on my car blew on the freeway and he wasn’t the one who came to pick me up. This was when I realized, wow if I can’t rely on him to be my protector then it’s time to move on. This lasted about eight months but probably should have ended after about six weeks with the three strikes rule.

The sports guy made a recent appearance in my life when he started texting. He asked, if he flew me out to California would stay with him, hmmmm…that was a good question. At the time, I had started dating someone local and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to revisit that old relationship. I’ve been thinking about how I wanted my future to look and when I didn’t see him in it I told him I didn’t want to waste his time in California.

Having the three strikes rule would definitely save a lot of time from dating someone who didn’t respect your time or had different values. The key is being honest with yourself about how you want to be treated and putting your foot down when you’re not treated accordingly. The trickiest part is not going back to something that was comfortable because you’re afraid to go outside your comfort zone to date someone new. If you’re thinking this harsh, perhaps I should mention I waited for someone to commit for six years until I finally had to slap myself to face the reality that it wasn’t going to happen. If I had been honest with myself from the beginning I would have walked away before the first strike because he had red flags emblazoned on his every action.

For everyone who continues to make excuses for why your “significant other” takes you for-granted, ask yourself if you see him/her in your future, and if the answer is no go back out to the field. You can’t stay on the sidelines and call that living.

Photo credit: sunsurfr